Chinese water torture

In the past few weeks it seems everyone has asked me about going back to work. It's like people have conspired together to constantly remind me of my impending doom. And they all ask "Soooooo...are you excited about coming back to work?" Are you nuts?

Granted, there are a few moms in the "Baby and me" group we occasionally go to who are dying to go back to work. And I honestly thought I would be one of those people.

In the beginning, when Owen was really small, all I wanted was to go back to work. I needed that structure. The sense of accomplishment. But now 8 months later, I dread the thought of going back. Not that I don't love my job or the people I work with. But it dawned on me that I will most likely only see Owen 4 hours a day. For a few days, I actually felt like I was losing Owen. That I had him for a year and that now he was being taken away from me. That is the emotional weight I have placed on all this. I think soon I will love those night feedings. It will add a whole 10 minutes to my time with Owen.

When owen was about a month old, a girlfriend told me about a woman she worked with. It was this woman's first day back from mat. leave. She proclaimed it was the longest she had ever spent apart from her child. I must confess, my girlfriend and I laughed and thought that was ridiculous. And now here I am and a day at work will be my longest away from Owen too. A whole 8 hours. It seems like torture. So I apologize to that unknown woman that I mocked. I hear you sister!

But everyone tells me, women all over the country do it and survive and so will I. Clearly these people haven't seen the pictures on the blog.